The+Devil+and+Matt+M.

Andy G. Br. Tom Am/Lit - B November 29, 2007

One day Matt M. was sitting in a tree stand in the middle of the wilderness of Beverly Hills, during the snowstorm of 1902. He was big game hunting for the infamous ManBearPig. It was getting dark and he was about to pack up and go home when out of nowhere came a giant 10 story high buck with blood red eyes. Matt Meade, being the incredible hunter that he is, pulled out his bow and shot the buck right in the spleen.

At this point the deer let out a blood curtailing squeal and transformed into Jackie Chan. The thing then told Matt Meade that he was the devil and he came to take Matt Meade’s perfect soul. So Matt M. had the idea to strike up a deal with the Devil.

Matt M. told the Devil that he would give him his soul freely if the Devil were to grant him just one wish. The Devil of course can’t refuse a bargain and he agreed. Matt M.’s wish was to be transformed into Chuck Norris, once transformed the Devil attempted to take his soul, but of course the Devil was unsuccessful because Chuck Norris doesn’t have a soul. So then Chuck Norris/Matt M. and Jackie Chan/Satan started an epic battle which lasted for 18 straight days and ended with a Chuck Norris/Matt M. roundhouse kicking Jackie Chan/Satan’s head all the way to Jupiter.

After the defeat of the Devil, Matt M. spotted ManBearPig and tried to capture it but ManBearPig fought back. This was another epic battle that was full of intense martial arts street fighting techniques. After a while Matt M./Chuck Norris noticed that the fighting style of ManBearPig was very similar to that of Jackie Chan/Satan. Then Matt M./Chuck Norris noticed ManBearPig's blood red eyes and realized that Satan had been reincarnated into Manbearpig's body!

So Matt decided to defeat the Devil for real this time. The only way to truely kill the Devil is to give him AIDS. But since Chuck Norris is immune to AIDS he could not give AIDS to the Devil. So instead Matt M. knocked out Satan with an intense seris of rabbit punches and built a boat and sent him out to sea to float around for the rest of days.

That day Matt M. saved the world from two great threats. He saved all Christians from the Devil and he saved the world from the destruction of ManBearPig. Matt M. recieved the Noble Peace Prize from Al Gore because Al Gore was also aware of the dangers of ManBearPig. And they all lived happily ever after except for Satan and ManBearPig who were stuck on a desert island.